Never judge someone until you have walked in her moccasins

A while back I read a post of Army wife who writes for the paper here. Even though it was a bit harsh from my stand point, I felt she had valid points. It was about comments she hated to hear as an Army wife. http://www.fayobserver.com/blog/comments?bid=16&eid=6303
For the most part, these comments are made by well meaning people who are trying to express concern or console. I have heard some of these comments before myself, when Roger was in Korea in 1995. So I know where she is coming from.

The same could be said for many things. I have been guilty myself. People often make comments/judgements about someones situation without truly knowing what that person is going through. I have often thought of list of comments I could put together from comments I have heard. Either as an Army wife, a medical wife or a "stay at home" mom. ( I put that in quotes because I feel I am never at home!) But I am sure we all could based on our situation. The point is we should think about what we are saying, no matter how well meaning, about situation we don't understand.

Someone once told me if we all sat down together in a circle and all put our problems in middle. We would, after seeing others problems, most likely pick up our own again. We all have problems and we all have stress. So remember, it only seems like the grass is greener on the other side.

So that said, here are some of my "favorite" comments I've heard over the years.

1. "Must be nice to be able to stay at home. " I must I have been guilty of this one before I had kids. Yes, it is nice to be with Jena everyday. But it is hard work, harder than I ever imagined. And while with an outside job you leave at the end of the day, this is a 24 hour thing. You can never stop being a parent, at home or not.

2. "Do you miss work? You were so good at your job." Like only people who were bad at their jobs would ever decided to stay home with there kids.

3. "You are so lucky to be married to a doctor." I have a good life, but it is a hard one. Roger's hours are a big part of that. After listening to Jena cry tonight for her daddy as I put her to bed alone, I longed for a job that would allow Roger to be home more. 80 hours a week gets old really fast.

4. "Does he really work that much?" Yes, he does. And that doesn't count the time he spends studying/working at home. And no, watching him read doesn't really constitute spending time together.

5. "Being a doctor in the Army is not like being in the regular Army." True, but that doesn't mean it is easier. Roger doesn't do PT because at 6 am he is already at work seeing patients. He still has to pass a PT test, even though he doesn't have time to do weekly PT. This is actually a disadvantage.

6. "People in the Army know what they are getting into when they sign up." I don't think anyone knows exactly what goes on in a war zone until they go. And no one had anticipated the amount of deployments and lengths of time these people would have to spend there. Add to that the people that are not being allow to leave at the end of their "commitment" and I definately think we are outside of what they "signed up" for.