Conversations with a 4 year old: The hard questions

A few weeks ago driving in the car Jena asked a hard question.
"Mama, why did my grandpa die?"
Sadly, I had to ask for clarification. "Which one?" I asked, hating this line of questioning already.
"Papa Williams, Daddy's Daddy."
"Well, do you know what a cigarette is, Jena?"
"No"
"It something with tobacco in it that you smoke with your mouth that is very bad for you."
"Okay"
"Well, your Papa smoked those most of his life and they made him very sick. And he died because he was sick."
"Why did he do that?"
"I'm not really sure, Jena."
"Oh. Well, how did my other grandpa die?"
"Well, he had something called asthma. And it made his heart and lungs very sick. And one day they stopped working"
"Oh, okay."

Luckily that was the end of the questions. She didn't ask about her grandmother, so I didn't have to explain an aneurysm to a 4 year old. And I didn't tell her that cigarettes are what made my dad's asthma as bad as it was. He quit about 14 years before he died, but the damage was already done. I didn't tell her, but I know someday I will. And I know the questions will get harder to answer as the girls get older on this subject and others.

Unfortunately, they will have to learn the hard lessons early. They have learned too early death is inevitable. They are learning early how to say goodbye to good friends. And I feel they will learn early that not everyone is nice since so many people have an opinion about the calling Roger has chosen as an Army doctor. And even closer to home as not all the relationships in my family are what I would call loving.

I know someday they will realize other people have more than one grandparent. That moving all the time is difficult and so is making new friends. They won't like being nice to people who are not nice to them. And they maybe feel that all of this not fair. But maybe these lessons will make learning the other ones easier. Maybe they will chose a healthy life style to help prolong life. Hopefully when it comes to tobacco they will make the decision to not use it. Maybe they will be tolerant and empathetic towards others. Maybe they will be able to adapt to change and enjoy adventure.